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Thursday, November 17, 2011

November 17, list your crushes, pick one and describe him/her in detail...

Yeah... so I'm not going to post the list... because, well... I don't know you... and I've actually managed to keep quite a few of them to myself...  but as I thought about this list, there is one for whom the details are everything, but it's not the details you'd think...  Yes, he is beautiful, strong, gentle, but the details that matter are that when I first met him, he walked into the room and spoke to me as if he knew me.  He asked questions that were about how I thought, not how I felt.  He said the "right" things--- not about how I looked or what he wanted, but about how the world felt.  How he could feel my place in it, and how it shifted to make room for him.  It's that he's the first person who went away when I said I'd had enough, and came back when I said I was wrong.  It's about how he accepted that I loved him and wanted nothing from him.  It's about how he showed me that I could accept that he loved me and wanted nothing from me.   It's that he never asked a question he didn't actually want the answer to, and that he held me accountable for my answers.  It's that he was willing to care even when my own personal brand of crazy was enough to drive everyone else from the room.  It's that he saw the me I wear to protect the me I am, and could make fun of me playing me.   It's that he was willing to cause the me I wear pain to force the me I am out into the world.   It's that he was willing to call me on my bullshite without telling me I was full of same.    It's that in the moments when I truly believed I was not anything enough, he let me stew in it so that I learned how to pick myself up from it instead of needing someone else's strength to do it.  It's that he didn't ask me to love him anyway, he just loved me and let me get there on my own time and terms.  It's that when he said "I love you" it didn't hurt, or feel like a cage.  It's that all he ever wanted was that I became all I ever wanted...  and that he knew that I had a crush on him but never used it to his advantage, or my detriment.    It's that long before I knew how much he would matter to me, he already mattered...    And hey... if you're he, and you stumble across this... Thank you... for being you.

Make something beautiful with your heart and your hands,


sandi said...

Hmmmm... things that make you go hmmmm... he sounds like a dream...

my crushes are too many to list. i get crushes at the drop of a hat... from afar.

but I can tell you this - if I meet someone like YOUR crush - all bets are off and it might be a life changer!


Beatrice, Bea, Bibi--That's me! said...

I have several :) This one I have to think about very carefully.
Yours sounds like the "one that got away". He sounds wonderful, very caring and loving. A wonderful thing to think about, I'm sure :) Something that puts a smile on your face!
Thank you for sharing!