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Saturday, December 3, 2011

the only person you can't kick out of bed...

Life is... what it makes of you. Really. It isn't a well thought out plan, it may not even have a mapped direction and it is going to happen no matter what. I've been busy of late, with a lot of things, some important, some trivial, some just plain necessary, some good, some not so good. In the fight to keep my house, it does look like I'm going to lose, but I'm going to continue to try. I'm going to keep making art and going to work and getting up each day to be the best me I know how to be because... you know... the only person you can't kick out of bed in the morning is YOU. And whether I like it or not, this is the me I chose to be. While I clung stubbornly to the faith and hope that everything was going to somehow work out, I failed to be as careful and protected as I could be... so if this is what comes to pass... I can only say that I've had other choices for a very long time and didn't chose them. I have my reasons, excuses, and in some cases, no idea at all why, but the thing is, that while I am scared and sad, I am still the same me I've been busy becoming my whole life and it's time to remind myself that this fear and sadness are in the way-- I'm not getting the new Planet You workshops written-- they are percolating in my head, but I'm not writing yet. I'm not cleaning up in the house, nor thinking about christmas nor getting my envelopes ready and mailed for a swap I'm participating in. I'm not thinking about getting a christmas newsletter put together, or mailing Christmas cards. I'm avoiding my studio at all costs. I'm not being "me" with the people I care about and I'm being a bit casual with my own sanity and safety. These are all the ways I am busy telling myself to get over it and get on with it. Today, I think, might just be the day I listen.

Make something beautiful with your heart and your hands,

1 comment:

Beatrice, Bea, Bibi--That's me! said...

Sometimes, that is just what you have to do. When you are ready to move forward, you move forward, you accept what is happening, decide that you are going to be okay anyway and put one foot in front of the other and just live and love the best you can. And you will emerge (just like we all do, just like I am) and even if it's not okay, it is okay. I am hearing you.