a shift in focus...

Well... hi. Same old excuses, and I'm as tired of them as you are. So I'll skip the list. I'm sitting here at my desk with my brand new desk calendar (50 cents on clearance at target :) ) and thinking about the things that I believe i will face in the coming year... very few of those fill me with joy or peace, but there will be the new Planet You workshops, which I'm happy to say have just about pushed their way out of my head and onto the page... there will be days of art and writing, challenges met, laughter shared and all the wonderful things that come about with day to day living. And there is still the opportunity for a miracle... I've been hopping about facebook and websites today trying to find out where I signed up for an organizing your workspace workshop--- I deleted the email, have yet to receve a follow-up email, and have no clue where it came from--- yeah I need the help organizing :) And I'm seeing so many conversations about Word for the year... and while I'm never opposed to picking a point of focus, I'm thinking that what if, for a change, this time it's not so much about what is ahead but what I am leaving behind. That perhaps, New Years Eve should not be spent in anticipation of the coming year but rather in reflection on the closing of the previous one. I don't know about you, but 2011 was a hell of a ride. I redeveloped some old friendships, I met new people, I discovered my love of teaching art, I launched Planet You, I returned to making books and art. It has been a year of turning within to better enable me to reach out. I have set clearer limits on what I want and need in my life physically, financially and emotionally. I have asked for, received and given help. I have had my heart touched a million times in many small and large ways. This past year has been a soul defining time for me as i have made my way through the mess of every day life. There are still decisions to be made, roads to be walked and joys to discover, but wow... there was so very much accomplished this year.

So... really, it's not that I don't have a focus for the coming year, but I'll happily share that with you tomorrow, when it is 2012. Today, take a few moments to grab your journal and make a list of the things that made 2011.

the only person you can't kick out of bed...

Life is... what it makes of you. Really. It isn't a well thought out plan, it may not even have a mapped direction and it is going to happen no matter what. I've been busy of late, with a lot of things, some important, some trivial, some just plain necessary, some good, some not so good. In the fight to keep my house, it does look like I'm going to lose, but I'm going to continue to try. I'm going to keep making art and going to work and getting up each day to be the best me I know how to be because... you know... the only person you can't kick out of bed in the morning is YOU. And whether I like it or not, this is the me I chose to be. While I clung stubbornly to the faith and hope that everything was going to somehow work out, I failed to be as careful and protected as I could be... so if this is what comes to pass... I can only say that I've had other choices for a very long time and didn't chose them. I have my reasons, excuses, and in some cases, no idea at all why, but the thing is, that while I am scared and sad, I am still the same me I've been busy becoming my whole life and it's time to remind myself that this fear and sadness are in the way-- I'm not getting the new Planet You workshops written-- they are percolating in my head, but I'm not writing yet. I'm not cleaning up in the house, nor thinking about christmas nor getting my envelopes ready and mailed for a swap I'm participating in. I'm not thinking about getting a christmas newsletter put together, or mailing Christmas cards. I'm avoiding my studio at all costs. I'm not being "me" with the people I care about and I'm being a bit casual with my own sanity and safety. These are all the ways I am busy telling myself to get over it and get on with it. Today, I think, might just be the day I listen.

Make something beautiful with your heart and your hands,
Kaere