microgiving....

so there's a website that allows you to set up your own charity... for now, we're there...

as things go... (this is a long one)

Well... here it is February.. we've survived the better part of winter with no heat in the house... had only a few plumbing disasters and still are keeping our fingers crossed with the A/C unit... living here in the humid south, lack of air is intolerable for the dog and the boys.. me, I can survive it, but the boys are miserable. I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking about making decisions (not actually making them, but thinking about the process and prompting) and I've firmly decided that I do not like it. I am a much happier camper when things just need to be done, versus having to decide what needs to be done, and then doing it. That does mean that I do spend an extraordinary amount of time waiting for the world to decide what needs to happen and then struggling to find a way to deal with the duties of the decision. I am sitting at the crossroads with losing my house and am finding it really hard to make a decision. I know that if I just throw in the towel now, we'll be able to move in June... but I'm just not ready to make that decision. I keep hoping that some little miracle will come along that will allow me to save my house and this life that I've spent so many years rebuilding. I keep putting all my good energies out into the world and keep praying that the return will come in time to save what I so desperately believe I want. But I'm also quite sure that if we have to leave this house and we have to start over again, that that will be okay, too. It is not what I want... and not what, when I close my eyes, I see for my life... but it is still a life I can live. So I keep busy making art, putting fun products in the Planet You shop and I'm working hard at getting the next Planet You workshops ready for you. Sometimes what feels so very right in our heads or our hearts is still not quite right for the world... and that is where I am with the workshops right now. Making the jump from what is in my head to what goes out into the world is, at the moment, feeling like a great big huge flying leap across a rather treacherous chasm. It isn't. I KNOW that. But yes, even I have those little voices that say "no you can't" Perhaps because there are some rather large "No's" in my world at the moment, the little voice has more force than usual. Not more power, I won't give it that, but yes, more force. It is louder than usual; it talks for longer than usual, and it seems to be against just about everything instead of focusing on one or two things. The thing is, my little voice, the planet Kaere one, not the little nay-sayer, is a strong and sure voice. I love to share and give and I know that by doing both of those things, my voice only gets stronger. I know that the more of us there are, sharing our voices in whispers, or shouts, the better the world is. I know that I cannot make anyone else share, but I can give everyone the opportunity to be heard. I have to remember that I have to give that same opportunity t me. So... a bazillion years ago, the thing I wanted most was to write. I didn't really miss making art but I had trouble going a day without writing... once upon a time, I wrote some really wonderful stuff. I've lost most of it (due to the hurricane)and some of it reinvents itself in my head. Time to share a little...

When you found me
you touched me with
bitter hands, unsung music,
shattered images of dreams
stillborn in your heart.
You loved, lusted,(parry and thrust)
with velvet cloaked destruction.

When she found me
bruised, bloodied, shaking
but not shaken she said
"For you, it is imperative:
you must alwaysbe loved
correctly. The wrong
love will destroy you.

When I found me
a drop of poison
poised yet on my lips,
the glass pressed close
to reveal no breath,
No surrender so sweet
This dead Juliet.


so today, while the idea of making some art seemed like a good idea, I chose to go about a different way.

Make something beautiful with your heart and your hands,
Kaere

Book of Days and other such things...

Ah, well... i'm finding my groove with Book of Days... making the time to make some art a few days a week and to journal... to touch base with me. Taxes are filed... don't hate me because me I'm fast and ahead, know that I've only done it this quickly because of the ever looming threat of loosing my house...

I've had some fun experimenting with some new techniques and playing around. The good thing about art journals is that when your attempt fails, you can keep it to see what went wrong or just cover right over it with something not so "mistake-ish"-- Me, I keep the mistakes, because I'm a firm believer in learning from failure. But here are some of the pages that have really turned out the way I hoped...

What a blast. If you haven't taken a look at Effy Wild's Book of Days project, I encourage you to take a look. It is a no pressure art journaling project that will last for a full year. Effy provides you with videos, feedback via a facebook page and emails. She's a ton of fun to learn with. I've paired up with her to offer a HUGE discount on The Planet You workshops as well as at the Planet You Shop. For access to the discounts, you just have to register for Book of Days (which is totally free.)

Life has been the same kind of crazy for me.. too much going on at work, too much drama at home and a general sense of malaise. I know that once the tree finally finishes shaking and I figure out if I'll be able to keep my house the rest of my world will also settle down. Until then, I'm just hanging on and doing my best to enjoy the ride-- though I'd be lying if I didn't say that some days, all this shaking makes me really unhappy and uncomfortable. As I work on my process of "coming back up" I am reminding myself to be gentle with my failures, to try not to lash out when I am feeling threatened and cornered, and to do the best I can with what I've got. It is not always easy to have those days when the best I've got is really not so good. But that's part of the art of surfacing... coming back up is hard work, and long. I'm not a patient person, so the "long" part is not my favorite. But here on Planet Kaere, I know that the way things are are the way I choose to see them... so I keep choosing to see them as an opportunity to learn and grow.

Make something beautiful with your heart and your hands,
Kaere

2012... who knew?

right, so... how many times have you heard "a new year, a new you?" How many times have you then succumbed to the sales pitch that followed... and proceeded to have a NOT NEW YOU? or worse, didn't succumb but sat around feeling guilty and worth less because you weren't ALREADY that you? Yeah... everything from Get rich today internet marketing to lose 100 lbs dieting... all aimed to tweak us right where we are weak and vulnerable and aimed, really, not at giving you a new you and a deeper sense of self but at your wallet. And the thing is... who doesn't want a bigger bank account, a slimmer body, a healthier lifestyle? Lord knows, I'd be right in line... if it were really about change. But the truth is, I don't really want a new me. I like the me I am. It took years to find her, to discover the paths she wanted to walk and get her moving on them, but I like her. Most of you know that I teach journaling workshops centered on the idea of talking to the "real" you... I believe that there is less a need for a "new you" than there is a need to discover and uncover the "real you." There's been a lot of talk out there about your "word for the year" (Much thanks to Ali Edwards for bringing her personal project into the world.) I chose the word "Surfacing" this year... a year long concentration on both the coming back up aspect as well as the clearing down to. For each of us, and for each moment and thing, there is a choice, somtimes with many options, sometimes with just a black and white option and sometimes it's a choice that doesn't feel like one-- option A. bad, option B. worse. I've spent a lot of time in the past year with many of the latter kind of choices... not much fun, but not powerless. So in this coming year, I am focusing on the necessary pairing down and the critical emergence from the muck. I have been working on the new Planet You workshops and am so excited about the new classes. I have been tagging along on Effy Wild's Book of Days project and am really enjoying the community of art-ers/ists and journalers. I am fighting my way back up-- and though the surface is still not clear, I am looking forward to breaking through again. You can sign up for the newsletter for Planet You and the Planet You shop by clicking the button on the right. Have a wonderful new year, and hey... let me know what word suits you this year.

a shift in focus...

Well... hi. Same old excuses, and I'm as tired of them as you are. So I'll skip the list. I'm sitting here at my desk with my brand new desk calendar (50 cents on clearance at target :) ) and thinking about the things that I believe i will face in the coming year... very few of those fill me with joy or peace, but there will be the new Planet You workshops, which I'm happy to say have just about pushed their way out of my head and onto the page... there will be days of art and writing, challenges met, laughter shared and all the wonderful things that come about with day to day living. And there is still the opportunity for a miracle... I've been hopping about facebook and websites today trying to find out where I signed up for an organizing your workspace workshop--- I deleted the email, have yet to receve a follow-up email, and have no clue where it came from--- yeah I need the help organizing :) And I'm seeing so many conversations about Word for the year... and while I'm never opposed to picking a point of focus, I'm thinking that what if, for a change, this time it's not so much about what is ahead but what I am leaving behind. That perhaps, New Years Eve should not be spent in anticipation of the coming year but rather in reflection on the closing of the previous one. I don't know about you, but 2011 was a hell of a ride. I redeveloped some old friendships, I met new people, I discovered my love of teaching art, I launched Planet You, I returned to making books and art. It has been a year of turning within to better enable me to reach out. I have set clearer limits on what I want and need in my life physically, financially and emotionally. I have asked for, received and given help. I have had my heart touched a million times in many small and large ways. This past year has been a soul defining time for me as i have made my way through the mess of every day life. There are still decisions to be made, roads to be walked and joys to discover, but wow... there was so very much accomplished this year.

So... really, it's not that I don't have a focus for the coming year, but I'll happily share that with you tomorrow, when it is 2012. Today, take a few moments to grab your journal and make a list of the things that made 2011.

the only person you can't kick out of bed...

Life is... what it makes of you. Really. It isn't a well thought out plan, it may not even have a mapped direction and it is going to happen no matter what. I've been busy of late, with a lot of things, some important, some trivial, some just plain necessary, some good, some not so good. In the fight to keep my house, it does look like I'm going to lose, but I'm going to continue to try. I'm going to keep making art and going to work and getting up each day to be the best me I know how to be because... you know... the only person you can't kick out of bed in the morning is YOU. And whether I like it or not, this is the me I chose to be. While I clung stubbornly to the faith and hope that everything was going to somehow work out, I failed to be as careful and protected as I could be... so if this is what comes to pass... I can only say that I've had other choices for a very long time and didn't chose them. I have my reasons, excuses, and in some cases, no idea at all why, but the thing is, that while I am scared and sad, I am still the same me I've been busy becoming my whole life and it's time to remind myself that this fear and sadness are in the way-- I'm not getting the new Planet You workshops written-- they are percolating in my head, but I'm not writing yet. I'm not cleaning up in the house, nor thinking about christmas nor getting my envelopes ready and mailed for a swap I'm participating in. I'm not thinking about getting a christmas newsletter put together, or mailing Christmas cards. I'm avoiding my studio at all costs. I'm not being "me" with the people I care about and I'm being a bit casual with my own sanity and safety. These are all the ways I am busy telling myself to get over it and get on with it. Today, I think, might just be the day I listen.

Make something beautiful with your heart and your hands,
Kaere

November 30: What did you learn from doing NaBloPoMo

No big surprise here... I learned that I love to write... that when I get caught up in an idea, the words just come and come until I have to make myself stop... that sometimes writing feels like work and others it feels as natural as breathing...
I learned that I do have the discipline to show up every day, even when it's the last thing I want to do and that when it is the last thing I want to do, doing it often makes it feel like something I DO actually want. I was able to relearn that I am not afraid to tell my stories. I was able to find other bloggers that I really enjoy. Writing every day, about something other than crafting, making art, or Planet You reminded me that I have so many other things to say, and to talk about... not that i don't love those three subjects... but that there is so much more of me to share.

thanks, every one, who came along for the ride...
Make something beautiful with your heart and your hands,
Kaere